Do you get angry after hearing someone chew or swallow?

misophonia chewing swallowing

This is a yet to be classified disorder called Misophonia. For some it is so extreme they are unable to sit at the same table with loved ones. When they hear the sound that “annoys” them, the so called trigger sound they experience an immense rush of anger and disgust, often requiring great restraint to control the need to physically hit something.

Ironically, the people who develop extreme levels of Misophonia are usually quite mild mannered and sensitive by nature. It is their very sensitivity that is part of the acquiring this debilitating disorder. The problems starts normally around 11 in the teenage years and often gets worse. Initially it is just one person who doing the chewing, tapping or swallowing etc. that annoys them but as time goes on the sounds gets generalised to others as well as to other sounds. Most Doctors don’t even know that this disorder exists, so go and see a psychologist with some experience in treating this disorder. If they offer you exposure therapy, refuse as this makes it worse.  The better treatments offer a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, neural re-patterning and Eye Movement Desensitization Therapy.

I know this because the son (age early 30’s) of a close friend of mine got treated and although it is still early days for the first time there is hope as he can tolerate being at the same table as his wife and kids.

Their is a good book on this if you want to gain more understanding:

A secret to how to fix a relationship?

Did you know you can rewire a man’s brain to find you irresistible.  Well this video tells you how to find out all about this. I was a bit shocked at the the Dr John Gottman finding – specifically how they can tell whether your your relationship is so irrevocably doomed by watching you and your partner relate for 3 minutes… and they can do this with 96% accuracy.

You can watch this great video on how to fix a relationship on Youtube

Giving up your story and freeing yourself

 

So many of us hang onto our story, e.g., “my first husband beat me up”,  “my stepfather raped me”, as if it defines us.

Who would you be if you gave that up.

What could you be if you gave up the idea that you are shy or scared or have low self-esteem. Most of which has become beliefs we hold dear because we have repeated it over and over to ourselves and others. Instead for the next 3 weeks resist them temptation to tell anyone about what happened to you in the past. If you must speak about yourself, talk about the new you are creating right now.

Wayne Dyer draws a wonderful metaphor with the wake of a boat – The wake being your story and your past which you have left behind. The wake does not drive the boat, you do. Neither does your story drive you. The wake is only what is in the  past so let it go.

Put your energy on moving forward and creating a new reality.

Much love Sofia.

When relaxing makes you a faster

So counter-intuitive – this morning I took 4 seconds off my 50 meter sprint time by just relaxing and focusing on the pull.

What flabbergasted me is that I did not feel exhausted afterwards or during the swim I felt as if I was in a dream, in the flow state that we are sometimes lucky enough to enter. I was so surprised by my improvement I accused the coach of lying.

Could it be that this applies to most things.

When we try too hard we get there slower, we are more exhausted. Instead if we relax and focus on what is really important we enter that creative zone where anything is possible.

I am no trying to focus on the state which I was in when I achieved this – can I reproduce it – especially during races?

Perhaps this is the wrong question – Instead I will ask or yearn for no more and just focus in the moment, relax and let my arms do what they are trained to do.  Who knows.

Let me know if you have had a similar experience.

Kind regards Sophia

5 Critical things successful dieters do that keep the weight off

Researchers Sumithran, Priya and Proietto, Joseph in the Clinical Science journal article “The defence of body weight: a physiological basis for weight regain after weight loss”  summarise the 5 strategies for successful weight loss maintenance.

Despite life throwing the most temping foods our way and with constant temptation there are those who lose weight and more significantly KEEP IT OFF.

This data comes from the  National Weight Control Registry, The data consists of 4000 adults in the U.S.A., who have kept weight losses of at least 13.6 kg (30 lb) for at least 1 year.

Those who have reported the successful weight maintenance strategies  have lost an average of 30 kg, and have maintained the minimum 13.6 kg weight loss for an average of 5.5 years.

Most of them lost weight because of a medical or highly emotional event in their lives.

They are mostly white (97%) and women (80%)  are recruited via newspaper and magazine advertisements note that the data is self reported.

Okay here are their strategies:

  1.  Eating a low-calorie low-fat diet with minimal variation like the Source Diet . They ate  a mean of 1306 (women) to 1685 (men) kcal/day, with <25% of calories coming from fat. They do keep their food variation the same without change on weekends or holidays. Those who do not are more likely to regain weight
  2. Eating breakfast every day (78%) .
  3. Frequent self-monitoring. 78% of the successful weightloss maintainers weigh themselves at least once a week, and 50% count calories or grams of fat.
  4. Undertaking regular exercise (91 %), equivalent to walking 45 km (28 miles)/week or around 1 h/day of moderately intense activity [136]. They spend more time engaged in physical activity, particularly in high-intensity activity, than people who are stable at their baseline weight, whether lean or obese
  5. Limiting television viewing. A total of 62% report watching television for fewer than 10 h/week compared with the national reported U.S.A. average of 28 h

Well there you have it – simple and effective way to keep it off.

regards Sophia

see http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2312642.

 

When it feels like the love has died…

This is a typical story..

We are having major communication and  intimacy issues. We are spread so thin with work, kids and in-laws that we really do not connect at all anymore. We are basically just living parallel lives  and rushing from one thing to the next.  Serious serial parenters. I do think each of us is a good parent and our son and daughter seem happy enough, but we do not have anything resembling a partnership. Everyone says book a babysitter but we both don’t have the time or energy. We are both so knackered after we put the kids to bed. I just want to go to bed and sleep.

Sound like you – here is something that might interest you:

 

Melt Your Man’s Heart Review | Is Randall Bennett’s Relationship Program Groundbreaking?

 

You can also watch Melt your man’s heart review on Youtube

Cooking Tips – Martha Stewart versus Reality

  .

 Martha Stewart Cooking TipsTo keep potatoes from budding,
place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Reality cooking Tips
Buy Smash mashed potato mix.
Keeps in the cupboard for up to a year.
 Martha Stewart Cooking TipsWhen a cake recipe calls for flouring
the baking tin, use a bit of dry cake
mix instead and there won’t be any
white mess on the outside of the cake.
Reality cooking Tips
Go to the bakery!
Hell, they’ll even decorate it for you!
 Martha Stewart Cooking TipsWrap celery in aluminium foil when putting
in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Reality cooking Tips
Celery?
Never heard of it!
 Martha Stewart Cooking TipsCure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and
rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Reality cooking Tips
Take a lime, mix it with tequila,
chill and drink! All your pains go away!
 Martha Stewart Cooking TipsDon’t throw out all that leftover wine.
Freeze into ice cubes for future use
in casseroles and sauces.
Reality cooking Tips
Leftover wine??????? 
 
HELLO!!!!!!

Lastly, if you don’t click on one of the pictures in the next 5 minutes,

your belly button will unscrew and your bum will fall off.

 

I love it frog recipes

 

 

If you think you are old – you are!

Browsing, I came across this fabulous quote that sums aging and beliefs systems up for me –

Of all the self-fulfilling prophecies in our culture, the assumption that aging means decline and poor health is probably the deadliest.

Marilyn Ferguson, The Aquarian Conspiracy, 1980

Research has shown that as soon as you think you are middle-age your cells respond and the immediately start to decline. Consider the famous work of Dr Masaru Emoto and his pictures of the effect of thoughts on the molecular structure of water – considering that our bodies are over 70% of water, our thought and beliefs would have the same effect on our bodies.

Consider these (courtesy of Dr Masaru Emoto) – You can read more about these in the Hidden Messages of Water. His later book The True Power of Water: Healing and Discovering Ourselves is life changing

old thoughts make you old

But consider what the effect of thoughts of “Gratitude” has. Think what thoughts of “I am healthy” or “I am vibrant” could have on your cells instead of “I am getting old” or “I am old”

love-and-gratitude thoughts

To your new possibility – Sofia

The Emperors of Chocolate: Inside the Secret World of Hershey and Mars

The Emperors of Chocolate:  Inside the Secret World of Hershey and Mars

Corporate candy giants Milton Hershey and Forrest Mars built business empires out of one of the world’s most magical, sought-after substances: chocolate. In The Emperors of Chocolate, Joël Glenn Brenner–the first person to ever gain access to the highly secretive companies of Hershey and Mars–spins a unique story that takes us inside a world as mysterious as Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Packed with flavorful stories and outrageous characters that give the true scoop on this real-life candyland, The Emperors of Chocolate is a delectable read for business buffs and chocoholics alike. Start reading and you’ll soon be hungry for

Sale Price:$7.78

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FREE Chocolate and Cocoa Recipes and Home Made Candy Recipes

Chocolate and Cocoa Recipes and Home Made Candy Recipes

This book was converted from its physical edition to the digital format by a community of volunteers. You may find it for free on the web. Purchase of the Kindle edition includes wireless download.Not you do not need a Kindle you can just download the Free Kindle Reading Applications.

Popular Highlights from Amazon readers

CHOCOLATE COOKIES Beat to a cream half a cupful of butter and one tablespoonful of lard. Gradually beat into this one cupful of sugar; then add one-fourth of a teaspoonful of salt, one teaspoonful of cinnamon, and two ounces of Walter Baker & Co.’s Premium No. 1 Chocolate, melted. Now add one well-beaten egg, and half a teaspoonful of soda dissolved in two tablespoonfuls of milk. Stir in about two cupfuls and a half of flour. Roll thin, and, cutting in round cakes, bake in a rather quick oven. The secret of making good cookies is the use of as little flour as will suffice. “e;
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Yeah Dave’s Guide to Livin’ the Moment: Getting to Ecstasy Through Wine, Chocolate and Your iPod Playlist

Yeah Dave's Guide to Livin' the Moment: Getting to Ecstasy Through Wine, Chocolate and Your iPod Playlist

Yeah Dave” Romanelli puts chocolate, wine, and excellent tunes right on the path to enlightenment. What’s not to love?David “Yeah Dave” Romanelli is kinda hip, kinda goofy, and occasionally really outrageous, an unlikely guru who is reinventing the quest for enlightenment. For Yeah Dave, the path to ecstasy doesn’t require any previous experience with yoga, meditation, or wellness. He shows us how to find transcendence through everyday pleasures, like admiring the sunset or rocking out to your favorite band. “There is a place where the chocolate tastes sweeter, the music sounds better, the inspiration feels richer, and the visions look clearer,” writes Dave. “That place is the Moment.”Yeah Dave’s Guide to Livin’ the Moment offers an alternative to the crazy, over-stimulating, distracted world we live in today, a world in which we watch the news while eating, eye our email while conversing, and forget to notice the full moon while texting. On our mission for speed,

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39 things you should know ….

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It’s not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings”.

27. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness”.

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual

baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep

down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

38. Your friends love you anyway.

39 . Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Chocolate that soothes and satisfies the soul

The guilty crackle of the rich brown wax paper, fingers furtively feeling for that fourth soft piece, the sniff of the sweet forbidden, the slight salty tang before the melting chocolate floods your tongue, climaxing in a sweet caramel hit, finishing with a soft nutty chew. Ah.., Coco Chocolate we salute you! Your chocolate creations soothe the soul.

Will they have some more Caramel, pinenut and seasalt organic milk chocolate when I go there next week ( trying to discipline myself to a 70gram indulgence a week) or should I go today in case they run out (knowing I will not be able to resist eating it immediately) it sells so fast – oh what to do?

20120208-092436.jpg

What to do when you argue with your teenager (or anybody for that matter)

When I argue with my teenager, I go away and silently use this practice. It changes the energy around us and I get a new perspective. It also reminds me that although they may seem to be grown up, they are still trying to find their boundaries and they will try and extend these with those they feel safest with.

For some reason this works. It’s called Ho’ oponoopono and is a Pacific Islander practice that results in reconciliation.

Note you are not saying it to your teenager or saying it for a specific reason. It is a meditative practice – just repeat the 4 lines over and over again.

Used by priests and Kahuna’s to heal sicknesses that is believed to be caused by arguments and fights – this is magically transforming.

Every time I use it after a rift with someone, everything just flows, whether I apologize to them or not.

the words are:

I am sorry

Please forgive me

I love you

Thank you

The below video is a lovely rendition of it.

regards Sofia.

Why is it so hard to be kind?

This morning I was doing a masters swimming squad and a new lady joined. As she tired she would stop at the end of the lane and then spread herself in the middle making it extremely difficult for other swimmers to do a tumble turn. Eventually I asked her to stand at the close to the lane ropes but felt awkward doing so. Of course in my mind I am justifying how dangerous it is, how she should know better, how I wish others would tell her, how I could do a tumble turn and “accidentally” bump her on purpose (not kind I know but she would get the message) mumph, mumph, mumph….forgetting that we are all human, that mostly we all want the same thing :- to be valued, loved, happy and healthy.
I became aware of that little critical voice in my head that not only criticizes others but constantly criticizes me and it is exhausting!

Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.

Theodore Isaac Rubin

Regards Sofia

Sexual fluidity – are you a lesbian?

I am happily married to a man for over 20 years. Much to my dismay I found that my friendship with another woman turned into an exciting and deeply disturbing infatuation. Although it was never openly acknowledged or acted upon, it did cause some awkwardness and sent me running for a therapist.

Was I a lesbian?
What did this mean for my marriage and my children?
Would loved ones accept me if they found out I was a lesbian?

It was one of most painful but wonderful things that happened. By allowing myself to openly examine my feelings and past instances of similar infatuations, I was able to learn about how common sexual fluidity is in women. Here are some of the facts I learned.

Facts about women’s sexual fluidity, lesbianism and homosexuality.

Sexual fluidity definition: having your sexual responsiveness change depending on the situation or relationship.This may prompt you to desire either sex. This is particularly true for women and they have no control over it.

Sexual orientation in woman is poorly understood as most research has focused on male homosexuality and it has been assumed that it is similar for females. This is not the case. Females are in general much more sexually fluid than males. Their sexual desire has greater variability and expression over a lifespan.

Labeling yourself or others as a “lesbian” is often confusing because are you referring to a) behavior, b) self-identity or c)sexual desires expressed as fantasies or attractions.

Sexual orientation means a consistent sexual desire, over a period of time, for either someone of the same-sex, other-sex or both sexes. Researchers generally agree that it is your sexual desire that determines your sexual orientation, not your behavior or your sexual identity (lesbian, gay, bisexual, heterosexual)

So a woman can sexually desire other women all her life, whilst being happily married to a man and thus self identify as a heterosexual. Even though she may never experience a same-sex relationship, researchers would consider her sexual orientation to be lesbian or same-sex because she consistently sexually desires other women.

Of course it is never as simple as that – what about the odd crush – or what about someone like Anne Heche who was exclusively heterosexual and then fell madly with Ellen DeGeneres and is currently in a heterosexual relationship. Similarly their are long-term lesbians who find themselves attracted to males in their 40’s and 50’s. Sexual fluidity over time is not unusual and wait for it – normal.

According to Professor Lucy Diamond in her excellent book Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire, a mature and adaptive approach is to adopt a more changeable identity that is situation or relationship specific. So when you find yourself shaken up and unable to stop thinking about another woman, don’t be ashamed, your reaction is normal and in line with what most women experience. Calm down, you are attracted to the person rather than their gender. Common traits that make others attractive like kindness, humor and intelligence are equally common in both men and women.

Of course, what you do about it will depend on your circumstances and the other persons feelings.

In my case, once I figured out why I was attracted to her – she reminded me of an episode in my childhood when my mother was emotionally unattainability – the infatuation fizzled and now she is just a friend.

regards Sofia (ala Myrtle)

Inside the teenage brain

Last night my teenager had sore shoulders from sunburn despite being sent to the beach with 2 bottles of sunscreen, anyway she asks me can she put something cold on her shoulders. Despite the fact we have several frozen gel packs ready for just such emergencies, this morning I find a squished bag of defrosted baby peas next to her bed. Peas for the next 4 meals..sigh.

http://harvardmagazine.com/2008/09/the-teen-brain.html

Before I start shouting I remind myself what goes on inside the teenage brain – they have underdeveloped pre-frontal lobes. They cannot understand the full implications of any decisions they make. The latest research shows: Girls develop this by 21 and Boys only by 25.. Note to me :- they do not think like me, they cannot think like me, count from 10 backwards… never helped before but will try 🙂

teenage brain development stage

During adolescence, the brain begins its final stages of maturation and continues to rapidly
develop well into a person’s early 20s, concluding around the age of 25.5
• The prefrontal cortex, which governs the “executive functions” of reasoning, advanced thought
and impulse control, is the final area of the human brain to mature.
• Adolescents generally seek greater risks for various social, emotional and physical reasons,
including changes in the brain’s neurotransmitters, such as dopamine, which influence memory,
concentration, problem-solving and other mental functions. Dopamine is not yet at its most
effective level in adolescence.7
• Adolescents commonly experience “reward-deficiency syndrome,” which means they are no
longer stimulated by activities that thrilled them as younger children. Thus, they often engage in
activities of greater risk and higher stimulation in efforts to achieve similar levels of excitement.
• Adolescents must rely heavily on the parts of the brain that house the emotional centers when
making decisions, because the frontal regions of their brains are not fully developed.